128 Days Completed

So this is post 128. I don’t know how summer managed to fly by this fast, and how I’m sitting here even thinking about writing this last post. This summer…this summer has been everything I thought it would be and completely different from what I thought it would be at the same time. I’ve learned so much and done so many things, and yet my list is barely even half complete!

This summer I started out with a simple little list that I wanted to accomplish. Final tally is in!

THINGS I DID:
– Hammock
– Tan
– Volunteer
– Go to AGO
– MUCH quality time
– Read a lot of Bible and some other things (kinda monastic retreat-ish)

THINGS I DIDN’T DO:
– Actually finish learning New Testament Greek
– Pass bootcamp (or maybe I did … not really sure)
– Learn guitar
– Become a pro slackliner
– The Ex

THINGS I GOT TO DO I DIDN’T THINK I WOULD:
– Meet many new people
– Experience healing and love
– Be a camp counsellor
– Learn about God’s grace and how to trust
– Love freely and be loved

This summer I was able to reflect, recharge, relax, re-think, and get ready for the next step. While I’m sad to leave behind some of the sweeter days of summer, I move on knowing that God has great things in store for me – even if it doesn’t always seem like it. I was incredibly blessed this summer. I don’t even know where to start to tell you all the things I’ve learned and been able to experience.

As I move forward, I carry excitement for the new ministry opportunities, but also for the continued journey of my own life and faith. I still have a lot to learn, but we all do. I know as I walk forward i will continue to be taught lessons of patience and trust.

So thank you to those of you who walked this journey with me, reading all these blog posts (though I swear some of them had to be super boring), and especially thank you to those who made this summer all that it was, whether you were a part in May, June, July, or August, I dearly cherish all the memories of this summer.

“I’m not even going to look at a school book in vacation.” she told Marilla. “I’ve studied as hard all term as I possibly could and I’ve pored over that geometry until I know ever proposition in the first book off by heart, even when the letters are changed. I just feel tired of everything sensible and i’m going to let my imagination run riot for the summer. Oh, you needn’t be alarmed, Marilla. I’ll only let it run riot within reasonable limits. But I want to have a real good jolly time this summer, for maybe it’s the last summer I’ll be a little girl. Mrs. Lynde says that if I keep stretching out next year as I’ve done this I’ll have to put on longer skirts. She says I’m all running to legs and eyes. And when I put on longer skirts I shall feel that I have to live up them and be very dignified. It won’t even do to believe in fairies then, I’m afraid; so I’m going to believe in them with all my whole heart this summer.” – L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

My thoughts precisely, going into (and now out of) summer, Anne Shirley. Well put.

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Thursday, July 18

I think I finally got used to the heat today. Also, I’m feeling a lot happier. I’ve also been told I’m not going to work next week, which I’m totally ok with. I’m tired, and I am ok with the week off.

This week, I realize that I’ve been learning how to let go. How to let go of frustrations and anger towards other people. Also how to love them even though I’m hot and tired and feel slighted. Only one more full day and the kids go home!

Tuesday, May 7

Today was beautiful, so I decided to go for a walk after I did my little bit of Greek studying this morning. My tan was fantastic afterwards. I don’t understand how two days in the sun make this much of a difference in my tan lines, but apparently they do. Not that I’m complaining …

Anyhow, the walk was so that I could scout out potential slack line and hammock places. So it was exciting. I was a little worried that people were going to see me walking and think I was crazy for walking up to trees and trying to guess their diameter … but I don’t think I freaked TOO many people out …

The best part of this walk was actually not finding trees that I think will work (though I did find some), it was walking these paths I haven’t been on in ages. Being gone for the last two summers, I didn’t frequent the parks around my house very much, but today I did. I walked ways I haven’t gone in a long time, and remembered some pretty strange things I did as a child. The most startling realization as I walked around (this is weird, ok?) was that everything I thought was HUGE as a child was actually … pretty small.

Do you know how when you were younger, things seemed large? The slide at the park was super big, trees were gigantic, and distances were measured in Mr. DressUp shows (at least for me) when driving, and when walking things took forever. Well … it didn’t take near as long as I remember walking to my elementary school took. I guess my legs grew a bit! But the most startling thing that I used to think was big was this one curb. I remember biking to school and having to walk my bike over the bump. The first day I rode over it I felt so big and accomplished. I took a picture today to remember how … actually tiny it is. It’s sort of pathetic really…

Pathetic, I know

However pathetic my former self was, it reminded me that God is bigger than my problems. yea, right now they look huge, I have to walk my bike over them or I’m stuck and don’t know how to get out … but God see’s my problems (similar to how my parents saw this curb) and sees it as a little teeny tiny bump. It reminds me about how I’m supposed to trust.

Trust unconditionally.

Saturday, May 4

“May the (horse) be with you” – Relient K

May 4th is one of the most absolutely fantastic days because A. it is Star Wars Day, and B. it is my sister’s birthday. Star Wars is honestly one of my favourite things ever. Sort of. Well, I just really like the excuse to talk about it one day of the year :]

My sister’s birthday this year was not a HUGE big to-do, but i DID make a carrot cake form scratch for the first time ever. It was actually way more delicious than I thought it was going to be. However, we only had baby carrots … so shredding the carrots took forever…and my fingers turned orange. Legit.

The highlight of the day, though, was CCF Banquet. It had a special air to it this year, being away from school, and also since I was actually around all year (and on committee). It was so nice to see everyone hanging out and enjoying the times we’ve had … but it was a little bit more than that for me.

The entire year I’ve struggled with seeing how the stuff I’ve done impacted people, how the little things I was spending SO much of my time doing actually effected people, and seeing how I was appreciated in any way. At time I wondered if God was even there, or if I was just doing “too much” for him and therein “losing” him in the business. It didn’t make sense though because I WAS having a quiet time every day, and I WAS trying to get back on track…

Anyhow, this song came up in the worship portion at the end of the night RIGHT after committee got these fantastic mugs…and the combo just really touched me. I can’t explain it other than suddenly, everything was worth it. I realized that yes, even though the things I did were small, they were big in God’s eyes, even if they were invisible to other people, they were BIG in God’s eyes, that the work I put it was, in fact, appreciated, and that not for a moment did God forsake me this year. Never once did he leave my side (song by Merideth Andrews).

My beautiful reminder of this year.

Friday, May 3

Today was FANTASTIC because I got to pull out my hammock for the first time this year! It is also the picture on the header of the blog.

I’m so happy I can’t even begin to tell you.

I went out today to hammock and slackline with my friend. I’ve never slacklined before, but I was like “hey. No big deal. Looks easy!” Boy was I wrong …. I guess it’s actually kind of difficult to balance oneself on a piece of webbing tied between two trees. Go figure. Well, hard before practicing extensively (which I still have to do).

Anyhow, I watched her set up the slackline, toiling and things, from my own lovely, wonderful, fantastic hammock:

I realize this picture is not the best, and that it doesn’t particularly look wonderful, but let me tell you. That nest of parachute-like cloth is so comfortable and amazing … yea its great. You should really get a hammock!

Anyway, I rather enjoyed the slackline experience (partially because first we went to McDonalds to get milkshakes), but also because it reminded me of the “steps of faith” we have to do in life. Stepping up onto the slackline was terrifying for me the first time. I counted myself down from 3 about 10 times before I built up the courage to just go for it.

I didn’t die. (clearly)

That first step up took so much faith in the webbing that it wasn’t going to break, and that I would be able to step off if I couldn’t do it. But I was fine! It is similar to my walk with God. I sit there on the balance beam I think he’s asking me to walk across, and I hold on for dear life instead of trusting him and walking (excellent Francis Chan illustration, just had to use it). That first step (or second … or fiftieth…) step into the unknown “realms” He is calling me into is frightening, but I can choose to trust that he will hold me, I don’t even have to worry about stepping off because he is holding my hands!

And for those of you wondering …. this is what slacklining looks like when you can actually do it …

Thursday, May 2

Today … I have no pictures 😦 But, I DID get to go see Ironman 3 with some high school friends!! It was super fun to get to see them again as I haven’t seen them since … oh dear … when Avengers came out? Oh wow. Apparently I need more superhero movies to be able to see them around.

Regardless, the movie was pretty good. I quite enjoyed it. The ending confused me, but (ok spoiler alert?????) they DID say Tony Stark would be back … so however that works. I’ve been told the heart thing wasn’t necessary for the suit. So I guess its ok. The point of the matter is … I got to see some pretty cool people. My heart breaks a little because I don’t get to see them, very often, and when I do it’s over movies, so I don’t get to talk to them much at all…and the lostness is heart breaking.

As for what I’m doing this summer, I’m seriously considering doing a “monastic retreat” as my dad called it. Yes, there are some fun things I want to do this summer, but I also really do want to be able to spend a LOT more time with God than I have in the past year. Taking time to step back, relax, and refocus will be a pleasant change, I think. Especially because this is the most important relationship that I have IN my life. More than the high school friends, more than the friends I have. And it’s the one I’ve been neglecting. Not ok. However, this monastic retreat thing … I may never get another chance for this type of commitment with my time. I think I’m going to go for it.