Sunday, August 25

I feel like I accomplished a lot today. I managed to finish cleaning my whole room and find places for all the things I have. Hopefully it will be functional as well … but I’m just pleased that I managed to get everything to fit. I even cleaned my closet for the first time in about 5+ years! Granted, I still have to buy textbooks and find a place for THOSE, but lets not talk about that right now.

This morning was wonderful though. Highlight of the day. Leading out on Sunday was…definitely harder than I thought it would be. But it was also really cool to see God pull everything together and make the day his and not mine. From the number of curve balls we were thrown, I think it’s clear that God was showing me to let go and worship him myself instead of worrying about all the other things. Would I be open to doing something like that again? Yes. Seeing God glorified and giving others the opportunity to glorify him is something I would like to see happen again.

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Sunday, July 28

Today I really feel like God is lining things up to be my last week. I’m super pumped, but I feel like this is the end. I’m sad and happy at the same time. I had to say goodbye to my beautiful friends, but I know this week will be great. So far God has taught me to love those who I dislike, and that I may not be as abounding in patience as I thought I was. I don’t know what this week will bring, but I look forward to it greatly.

Friday, May 24

Today was the first day I was tired of sitting in my room. I was tired of the same scenery, and I was ticked I couldn’t go for a walk because it was cold outside. So …… I treated myself out for lunch! I was also fighting being depressed because, honestly  you can only be alone so long before it starts to get to your head.

I ended up going to the mall and sitting in the food court with my Bible. It wasn’t the best food I’ve ever had, nor was it the most comfortable chair I’ve ever sat in … etc. etc. But there was something extremely calming about sitting alone and reading through Psalms as I ate. I had especially been struggling with my decision to stay home this summer instead of camp today because posts were starting to pop up on Facebook about people arriving or getting ready to start training. Saying goodbye to one part of your life is sometimes difficult purely because the unknown is scary. Psalms reminded me that I find refuge in the Lord.

I spent a while pondering what it means to be surrounded in the steadfast love of the Lord, and it brought much peace to me. May it do so to you too!

Wednesday, May 8

Today I started going to a Bible study that actually has turned out to be more of a class with CCF. However, since I’m going to be doing this every week for the rest of the summer … I’m going to digress and talk about the OTHER things I did today too!

Most notably, I helped clean our office. Sadly, we didn’t qualify for our own office next year so we had to clean everything out. We’re sharing, but haven’t been able to contact the people we’re sharing with. It was SO depressing to see everything packed up in bags for moving … I spent so long decorating the office! But it was also kind of nice … it closed the chapter for me at least. New things are coming, and I’m not on committee. Seeing all my things I did would have been a lot to take in every day when not a part of  leading anymore.

Anyhow, afterwards I decided to stay and watch … the Leafs Game. Why? Well … I missed people. Otherwise, I mean the Leafs are great and all (… uh … did I really just say that?) but the Hawks are my team, as I like to say. Although … I know nothing about how they’re doing … I’m just not a sports person. For some reason the school pub was half empty, so it wasn’t as enjoyable as the last game I watched in a pub … I’ll just wait for the Winter Olympics to come again this winter and watch some Canada-US action there. (SIDE NOTE: I finally caught up on the worlds figure skating earlier … clearly I didn’t blog about it that day. Why, I don’t know. I ALSO SAW STARS ON ICE ON THE 27 AND IT WAS FANTASTIC. I DIDN’T START BLOGGING UNTIL AFTER SO I DIDN’T WRITE ABOUT IT BUT IT WAS SO FANTASTIC. I LOVE PATRICK CHAN)

Anyhow, now that that is out of the way, I think that is about it for my Wednesday. To keep up with the reading plan that is a part of the quasi class thing I’m taking, you can check out my blog, Padigrumae.

Tuesday, May 7

Today was beautiful, so I decided to go for a walk after I did my little bit of Greek studying this morning. My tan was fantastic afterwards. I don’t understand how two days in the sun make this much of a difference in my tan lines, but apparently they do. Not that I’m complaining …

Anyhow, the walk was so that I could scout out potential slack line and hammock places. So it was exciting. I was a little worried that people were going to see me walking and think I was crazy for walking up to trees and trying to guess their diameter … but I don’t think I freaked TOO many people out …

The best part of this walk was actually not finding trees that I think will work (though I did find some), it was walking these paths I haven’t been on in ages. Being gone for the last two summers, I didn’t frequent the parks around my house very much, but today I did. I walked ways I haven’t gone in a long time, and remembered some pretty strange things I did as a child. The most startling realization as I walked around (this is weird, ok?) was that everything I thought was HUGE as a child was actually … pretty small.

Do you know how when you were younger, things seemed large? The slide at the park was super big, trees were gigantic, and distances were measured in Mr. DressUp shows (at least for me) when driving, and when walking things took forever. Well … it didn’t take near as long as I remember walking to my elementary school took. I guess my legs grew a bit! But the most startling thing that I used to think was big was this one curb. I remember biking to school and having to walk my bike over the bump. The first day I rode over it I felt so big and accomplished. I took a picture today to remember how … actually tiny it is. It’s sort of pathetic really…

Pathetic, I know

However pathetic my former self was, it reminded me that God is bigger than my problems. yea, right now they look huge, I have to walk my bike over them or I’m stuck and don’t know how to get out … but God see’s my problems (similar to how my parents saw this curb) and sees it as a little teeny tiny bump. It reminds me about how I’m supposed to trust.

Trust unconditionally.

Monday, May 6

Today is the day … I decided to start learning Greek! Not normal Greek, New Testament Greek. Why you ask? Because I want to, and then I can study my Bible deeper myself. So far … I can write the letters …. not very good. Well I copied from a chart once, but my dad said I needed to learn how to write them properly so that I don’t spend 5 hours writing one word…He’s probably right. This chart took a while.

But look how pretty it is! I’m so excited…

In addition to that fantastic alphabet I started teaching myself, I worked on some cross stitch things for church … I’ll talk more about those when I actually FINISH. However, what is more exciting is that I started working on my tan! 😀 I’m not working at camp this summer … So I won’t be outside all day every day soaking up Vitamin D and getting all golden brown, so now I have to actually plan it into my day … which is weird. But it’s also kind of nice

I’m starting to finally get into the swing of not having a lot to do. It’s starting to get easier to fill my days with things, and I find that filling the time with things that I want to do is really satisfying once the day is over. I know that I’ve accomplished things, and its wonderfully relaxing. Hopefully it will last!

Saturday, May 4

“May the (horse) be with you” – Relient K

May 4th is one of the most absolutely fantastic days because A. it is Star Wars Day, and B. it is my sister’s birthday. Star Wars is honestly one of my favourite things ever. Sort of. Well, I just really like the excuse to talk about it one day of the year :]

My sister’s birthday this year was not a HUGE big to-do, but i DID make a carrot cake form scratch for the first time ever. It was actually way more delicious than I thought it was going to be. However, we only had baby carrots … so shredding the carrots took forever…and my fingers turned orange. Legit.

The highlight of the day, though, was CCF Banquet. It had a special air to it this year, being away from school, and also since I was actually around all year (and on committee). It was so nice to see everyone hanging out and enjoying the times we’ve had … but it was a little bit more than that for me.

The entire year I’ve struggled with seeing how the stuff I’ve done impacted people, how the little things I was spending SO much of my time doing actually effected people, and seeing how I was appreciated in any way. At time I wondered if God was even there, or if I was just doing “too much” for him and therein “losing” him in the business. It didn’t make sense though because I WAS having a quiet time every day, and I WAS trying to get back on track…

Anyhow, this song came up in the worship portion at the end of the night RIGHT after committee got these fantastic mugs…and the combo just really touched me. I can’t explain it other than suddenly, everything was worth it. I realized that yes, even though the things I did were small, they were big in God’s eyes, even if they were invisible to other people, they were BIG in God’s eyes, that the work I put it was, in fact, appreciated, and that not for a moment did God forsake me this year. Never once did he leave my side (song by Merideth Andrews).

My beautiful reminder of this year.

Friday, May 3

Today was FANTASTIC because I got to pull out my hammock for the first time this year! It is also the picture on the header of the blog.

I’m so happy I can’t even begin to tell you.

I went out today to hammock and slackline with my friend. I’ve never slacklined before, but I was like “hey. No big deal. Looks easy!” Boy was I wrong …. I guess it’s actually kind of difficult to balance oneself on a piece of webbing tied between two trees. Go figure. Well, hard before practicing extensively (which I still have to do).

Anyhow, I watched her set up the slackline, toiling and things, from my own lovely, wonderful, fantastic hammock:

I realize this picture is not the best, and that it doesn’t particularly look wonderful, but let me tell you. That nest of parachute-like cloth is so comfortable and amazing … yea its great. You should really get a hammock!

Anyway, I rather enjoyed the slackline experience (partially because first we went to McDonalds to get milkshakes), but also because it reminded me of the “steps of faith” we have to do in life. Stepping up onto the slackline was terrifying for me the first time. I counted myself down from 3 about 10 times before I built up the courage to just go for it.

I didn’t die. (clearly)

That first step up took so much faith in the webbing that it wasn’t going to break, and that I would be able to step off if I couldn’t do it. But I was fine! It is similar to my walk with God. I sit there on the balance beam I think he’s asking me to walk across, and I hold on for dear life instead of trusting him and walking (excellent Francis Chan illustration, just had to use it). That first step (or second … or fiftieth…) step into the unknown “realms” He is calling me into is frightening, but I can choose to trust that he will hold me, I don’t even have to worry about stepping off because he is holding my hands!

And for those of you wondering …. this is what slacklining looks like when you can actually do it …

Thursday, May 2

Today … I have no pictures 😦 But, I DID get to go see Ironman 3 with some high school friends!! It was super fun to get to see them again as I haven’t seen them since … oh dear … when Avengers came out? Oh wow. Apparently I need more superhero movies to be able to see them around.

Regardless, the movie was pretty good. I quite enjoyed it. The ending confused me, but (ok spoiler alert?????) they DID say Tony Stark would be back … so however that works. I’ve been told the heart thing wasn’t necessary for the suit. So I guess its ok. The point of the matter is … I got to see some pretty cool people. My heart breaks a little because I don’t get to see them, very often, and when I do it’s over movies, so I don’t get to talk to them much at all…and the lostness is heart breaking.

As for what I’m doing this summer, I’m seriously considering doing a “monastic retreat” as my dad called it. Yes, there are some fun things I want to do this summer, but I also really do want to be able to spend a LOT more time with God than I have in the past year. Taking time to step back, relax, and refocus will be a pleasant change, I think. Especially because this is the most important relationship that I have IN my life. More than the high school friends, more than the friends I have. And it’s the one I’ve been neglecting. Not ok. However, this monastic retreat thing … I may never get another chance for this type of commitment with my time. I think I’m going to go for it.